What have I become, my sweetest friend?
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become
My sweetest friend?
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liars chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become
My sweetest friend?
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I will keep myself
I would find a way
I've been thinking a lot lately about life and the like. Looking at how I am, the person I am. I've looked back over my life and thought about all the things I've done. But what first got me thinking was looking into my eyes. An age ago a friend of mine told me what she saw in my eyes: sadness.
Now when I look into them, that's still what I see, sadness... lonliness... grief. But then I think back, and that's what makes me who I am. That darkness is part of me, and the reason I am who I am. I can look at my life, and though I have that hurt deep inside me, I'm still doing pretty well, and that reminds me that life will go on.
I have my demons, you have yours, but maybe that emptyness makes us whole. Maybe that's why we all understand eachother.
'What are we doing?
Our hidden purpose
Secret to all
Searching for our meaning
Our life
Expecting to find ourselves
In ourselves
Staring back in the mirror
What can you find?
What do you see?
In your eyes--
Behind your eyes--
Through your eyes--
Into your soul'
- The Drifter's Muse; Canto I
posted by Alex Sousa @ 4:54 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
You are the only one I know that embraces pain so openly. We all feel it. We all have our "deamons" as you say, but you are the only one I have ever known who will embrace the fact that it is all real.
What is it that pulls you out of bed every morning?
You are far to complex for anyone to understand; but for that reason alone is why I love you.
If you could only see behind my eyes... yet, you are the only one that does.
What gets me out of bed every morning? Part of it is simple enough: pride, will, and hope. There is another factor, but you wouldn't understand and I won't explain.
Simply put, I get up every morning because I'm too stubborn not to. I've been driven to the edge of reality, to (and beyond) places where other people would have killed themselves, but I was too proud and bull-headed to do that. That has made the difference in my life and perhaps that's the reason why I openly embrace pain. I've been so far down that I appreciate everything more.
Someone told me once "everyone has darkness, the brave show it." For a time I hated her for saying it. But now I almost agree with it. I don't believe that we should embrace darkness and wear it proudly like some sort of badge, but rather accept it as being part of who we are. Am I glad about the pain I have? No. Would I get rid of it? Never, because that darkness makes the rest of life, the good part of life, all the more beautiful. It's like Yin and Yang, without one there cannot be the other, but rather they must find a happy medium and be content, they rest together in their perfect union. It's not a matter of accepting darkness, but rather accepting who you are and what you hold.
Time heals all wounds, but the wounds leave scars, and that's what my pain is -- a scar. Mayhap someday I'll tell my story, gather those close to me and tell it from start to finish, explain what I feel and why I am, but until that day, when and if it comes, this is the best explanation I can give.
hey, that's awesome. Come back anytime.
Yay for the random person that like your blog. That's the first person that we didn't know that we actually like. yes.
Post a Comment
<< Home