Saturday, October 28, 2006

Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me

None of you are going to understand this right now. But I need to vent. If you actually do want to know, go ahead and ask.

I hate it when people lie to me. And I know when. Especially when they're stupid about it. Like when they're not subtle about something and then they realize it was a stupid thing to do and so they try to say that's not what they meant. Did you think I wouldn't notice? Cover your tracks. Remember what you said. Those are the lies I hate. Some lies I'm alright with. I won't call people on most of them; but sometimes they have to be called out. I lie when it suits my purpose, it's neccesary sometimes. Maybe not to lie but to cover the truth. "Honesty is not synonymous with truth."

What I hate more is guilt trips. The presence of guilt trips means the abscence of fault. We all have our reasons for our actions. When you put a guilt trip on someone, it means they don't really deserve it, and more importantly it means they don't deserve it. I had my reasons, how dare they try to make this my fault. I bleed too.

I think I feel better now. Still feel alone though.
"We must make the world honest before we can honestly say to our children that honesty is the best policy."
-George Bernard Shaw, Irish playwright

Thursday, October 12, 2006

See you on the dark side of the moon

A girl told me once that everybody has a dark side and that the brave ones let it show. I believe everybody does have a dark side, I think everybody needs a dark side, but I was never sure about letting it show. She wanted to be dark. But I let mine show, and then I tuckd it away again.

I think I understand it now. The brave ones don't let it show exactly; they come to terms with it, they understand it, they let it be a part of them. Yin and Yang, one compliments the other to make a whole. I've just been thinking about that lately. I feel whole. I've realized since I tend to be more artistic, I can't fight the dark side but by admitting it and letting it be a part of me, it can be focused. Therein lies the rub, methinks.

'...The Way of the Warrior is not a glorification of violence. Far from it. It's about courage, yes. But it's about the kind of courage that means facing how things are, and telling the truth about that, telling it how it is.

Men growing up in this society get the idea that manliness equals aggression. Sensitivity is weakness is female is gay. The only emotion a real man shows is anger. He's dominance personified, every gesture he makes is a threat. Dis him, he's got to waste you. This trash comes to the kid from kid culture, where it looks to a kid like strength, like honor and courage. But it's not, it's a mask for fear. Most people fight from fear-- instinct, kicking in with the old fight or flight response. But a warrior moves through fear and comes out beyond it. He's at the point where you can say of him: "His strength is as the strength of ten, because his heart is pure." That's the man you want for a Mentor. A man of Peace, because he has peeled off the masks and faced his fears. Howling like a wolf is how a man reclaims his sensitivity..."

--Bliss Sketches by G.L. Horton