Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Your last night on Earth

I'm leaving tomorrow. At 6:45 am on Wednesday I start winging my way to the west coast. I'll be gone for a few weeks; the earliest that I'll probably be back is the 17th but no later than the 24th. I'll miss you guys while I'm gone, I'm not sure how many of you are going to leave while I'm away but I'll see you again. Kristi, I know you're leaving, and I wish I could've spent more time out here before you're gone. I tried, but even I run out of luck sometimes.

I just want everybody to remember that no goodbye is forever. Life, fate, luck, whatever you want to call it, it has a funny way of tying people together. We may part ways for a while, but I have a gut feeling that it won't beat our friendships. I love all you guys, you're like family to me. I don't have any siblings, but you guys are better than any siblings I could ask for, and I'm not just saying that to sound cliche, it's true. Just remember to go do what you do, never let your will be beaten, and watch your backs out there. I'll miss you all but absence won't last, I promise you that.

We've come to the crossroads. The death of an age that a lot of us hold dear. But that won't stop us, I know it won't because we've all been through a lot more than just this. Now we begin the salvaging. Trying to recover any remnant of what was lost, it's human nature. Life will never be the same, but that doesn't mean it will be worse and that doesn't mean we've left each other's lives forever. Our lives have changed, and we will move on, but that doesn't mean we have to move on from each other. There are plenty of people out there who are still friends with their buddies from high school, who married their high school sweethearts. Some of you are gone now, and some of us are here still but that isn't a good enough reason to break our ties. Why not hope for the best? Maybe we're afraid to hope, but why can't we let hope win just this once? Because I can't speak for all of you, but I'm not ready to say goodbye, and I don't know if I ever will be.

As a parting gift I offer you all this last stray thought plucked from my mind: What would you do with your last night on Earth? I know what I would do with mine, but for now I'll let that one rest with me.

I am Sousa, the Lone Drifter (who, thanks to you all I'm not as 'lone' as I used to be) and I bid you a long goodbye and a short-lived absence. Até mais tarde, until later.

"May the wind always be at
Your back and the sun
Upon your face, and the
Winds of destiny carry you
Aloft to dance with
The stars."
-Untitled by George Jung

"The Crossraods
a place where ghosts
reside to whisper into
the ears of travellers &
interest them in their fate

Hitchhiker drinks:
"I call again on the dark
hidden gods of blood"

-Why do you call us?
You know our price. It
never changes. Death of
you will give you life
& free you from a vile
fate. But it is getting late.

-If I could see you again
& talk w/ you, & walk a
short while in your company,
& drink the heady brew
of your conversations,
I thought

-to rescue a soul already
ruined. To achieve respite.
To plunder green gold
on a pirate raid & bring
to camp the glory of old.

-As the capesman faces
poisoned horns & drinks
red victory; the soldier,
too, w/ his trophy, a
pierced helmet; & the
ledge-walker shuddering
his way into inward grace

-(laughter) Well, then. Would
you mock yourself?


-Soon our voices must become
one, or one must leave."
Crossroads by Jim Morrison

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

And it makes me wonder...

I'm smiling right now. A true, honest smile.
As I see it, the future holds nothing but hope, and that's a very good thing.
Hope never dies of natural causes, it can only be murdered.

There's a lady who is sure
All that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.

There's a sign on the wall
But she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook
There's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
It makes me wonder,
It makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get
When I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen
Rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who stand looking.
It makes me wonder,
It really makes me wonder.

And it's whispered that soon
If we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won't go
In case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow,
And did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying a stairway to heaven.

"Stairway to Heaven"
Jimmy Page and Robert Plant

Monday, May 16, 2005

At least I have her love, the city she loves me

I need to get to a city. A big city. I'm not talking about a trip to Salt Lake either. I get this feeling a lot. Things here are too quiet and too peaceful in all the wrongs ways; it makes me uneasy. This place where most everybody is fake and hides behind some happy facade. Where people pretend to get along but mostly do it out of habit.

I need to hear police sirens from some distant avanue; the street vendors shouting their pitches trying to sell cheap necklaces and t-shirts; homelss beggars murmuring unknown blather to themselves.

I want to smell the city. the smoggy, polluted air; I want it to fill my lungs. I want to smell the salty air from the ocean with it. I want to hear the waves crash against the pier; hear the gulls cry out to one another. I want to hear traffic; heavy traffic.

I want to sit on a bench and look out towards the endless horizon on the ocean. I want to hear the Italians and Russians and the Chinese speaking to one another in their foreign tongues. I want to watch the lighthouse rotate endlessly; its light reaching out through the sky. I want to watch the boats cut through the water, leaving the dock for a long trip to an unkown destination.

The city is my muse, my inspiration. It clears my head and lets me think straight. The city is beautiful. I need to get away from here for a little while. I need the daily chaos, I need to feel it.

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the city of angels
Lonely as I am, together we cry

I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy
I never worry, now that is a lie.

Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way

It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe that I'm all alone
At least I have her love, the city she loves me
Lonely as I am, together we cry

Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way

Love me, I say
One time

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my live away

Here I stay

-Under the Bridge
Anthony Kiedis; Red Hot Chili Peppers