Saturday, April 30, 2005

Halfway to life and back again

What is life? Really? What is it about? Is there a right answer? And if there was a right answer, how many of us really would want it? Maybe that's what life is, trying to find out if there is a right answer. Trying to find where we fit in the world. Finding a place we feel comfortable, where we can rest and be at peace. What about the people who hate their lives? Have they failed? Or is that their place? Do they love to hate themselves and everything around them, is that where they want to be and where they are supposed to be? Are any of us supposed to be anywhere? That brings up fate. Fate, as in the plan of life that we supposedly fall victim to. Are there elements of fate in our lives that push us in certain directions? Is the world just one giant Tetris game of personalities, trying to fit everybody in where they best belong for the prosperity of the greater good? And what is the greater good? Good and evil are relative, and both deeply connected. There isn't one without the other; but, if there was no evil wouldn't we all be good by default, we just wouldn't know it? And what is happiness? Another relative term that means nothing and everything. One man's garbage is another man's treasure. Happiness is different because people are different. Maybe all the answers are different too.

Just the thoughts of a tired drifter merely thinking outloud for the whole world to hear.

'What is hidden?
The world never knowing
Only you
The secrets you keep
Always in your mind
Heard on your voice
Seen in your eyes
Eyes that cry out
To be understood
The voice that tells
A thousand stories
In one word
All your life
Told in a word
Told but never explained
Always hidden from the world
The secrets we keep'

--Drifter’s Muse; Canto II

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Have I said all I can say?

When did things become so difficult? Did God up the ante or did I just get sloppy?

Something has changed, and I’m still playing catch-up. I knew things were changing, I thought change was good. Then I woke up and saw what I had gotten myself into. I made bad decisions for the wrong reasons. I know what mistakes I made but I can’t change those; and now I have to try and clean it up through the rubble, sometimes at the expense of others.

Sometimes I want to change the world, but right now there is only one thing I want to change. God knows I would give anything if I could do something about it; but God and I aren’t on speaking terms. Just when I thought I had things figured out, life throws me a curveball. Some people say that life is just a series of random events tied together by our own inner monologue. I disagree. Everything we do affects us later in life. Whether it’s a second or a decade later, it always has an impact.

I made some bad calls, but I thought it was the right move. I lied to myself so that I could move on with my life, now that has all come crashing back into reality. I know what I need to change. I just need to man up and do something about it. I won’t make the same mistakes. What have I got to lose?

Come on man, prove that you’re still worth a damn.

It must be your skin that I'm sinking in
It must be for real ‘cause now I can feel
And I didn't mind, it's not my kind
It's not my time to wonder why
Everything gone white, everything's grey
Now you're here, now you're away
I don't want this, remember that
I'll never forget where you're at

Don't let the days go by
Glycerin, Glycerin

I'm never alone, I'm alone all the time
Are you at one or do you lie?
We live in a wheel where everyone steals
But when we rise it's like strawberry fields
I treated you bad, you bruised my face
Couldn't love you more, you've got a beautiful taste

Don't let the days go by
Could've been easier on you
I couldn't change though I wanted to
Should have been easier by three
Our old friend fear and you and me
Glycerin, Glycerin
Don't let the days go by
Don't let the days go by
Glycerin, Glycerin
Glycerin, Glycerin

Bad moon white again
Bad moon white again
As she falls around me

I needed you more when we wanted us less
I could not kiss, just regress
It might just be clear simple and plain
Well that's just fine, that's just one of my names
Don't let the days go by
It could've been easier on you, you, you
Glycerin, Glycerin
Glycerin, Glycerin